There's Just Something About Her... (PETCHAY!)

Never in my wildest imagination that I would even attempt to write about something that I was totally clueless, undiscovered (by me), and as usually despised as a woman's vajay-jay. Or as i fondly call it, for purposes of this blog 'petchay'. But a recent conversation with a dear friend had inexplicably forced me to go to a local bookstore, buy a small notebook and pen, sit down and was compelled to start writing about a topic I've only spoken about in humour.

Let me just emphasize that I had never fantasized about it, never explored it, and have only seen it on straight porno films that I used to watch as a kid (only because I'm more interested and focused on the other thing) and a few if not forgotten glimpses of it on a few occasions...live. So forgive me for my lack of knowledge about what it is that fascinates men and yes, even a selected group of women to something that secrete blood every that time of the month.

I do however, know a little about it having directed the Vagina Monologues back in college as a school production. And let me say that if that didn't even interest me to change sexual preference, I guess nothing in this universe will. I was, am and will forever remain loyal to it's glorious counter-part. (Pause to give a moment of silent praise.)

"Your petchay is the best-tasting, best-looking, best-smelling and most beautiful ever. And it's best fit for my 'thaaang.'

THAT my dear friends was the claim of a certain guy who after exepriencing a long sexual nirvana with my good friend, described her petchay.

Now, how many of women do you know out there in this planet was ever told that line, even as a lie? I'm probably guessing very, very, very few. So my good friend and I suddenly got wondering if her petchay has some addictive property that the world is yet to discover. And if only we could create a drug out of its secretion, we would probably be richer than the Queen of England. But I guess the only way to truly find out is to be there myself first-hand, which there is noooo wayyyy in HELL I will do. Not even if you pay me. I would rather tear my eyes out than to see it; bind my lips shut than to taste it; and pull out my nose than to smell it.

We've been friends for quite a long time that I am aware of what this girl can do. The miracles and glory of it all. I've heard the stories and even on a few rare times seen her in action. (Again, focusing only on the other partner.) But still it seems that there's some truth to this claim since most of her men keep coming back for more... and more... and more! Even to a point they would have to beg. A true goddess to the core could only command such followers! I swear if I were to be reincarnated, I would want nothing more than to be this girl's petchay. To quote her, "My petchay can change lives and break relationships."

Amazing! It's already like a religion!

I've had my fair share of compliments and praises from my sexual partners but none specifically targeted to my 'toy'. It's usually something generic like, "Oh, you're a damn good kisser!" or "You're sooo hot and sexy!" or "I could do this with you for the rest of my life!" (Ready, set.... cartwheel!!!) But this usually only happens when I'm on the top of my game. I usually perform best when love is involved or at least a similar kind of emotion. Plus alcohol can also seriously stimulate and arouse me. (Cocktails later anyone?)

Writing about petchay too much us starting to make me feel nauseous. I'd better stop before I end up having recurring nightmares about it. But for those wanting to experience the much glorified petchay you will have to meet a certain criteria. 1.) You have to be well-hung. 2.) You have to be clean, gorgeous and irresistible. 3.) Your other head should be equally, if not superbly stimulating as the other smaller one. And 4.) You should have something more to offer than what was already stated above.

Bottom line, we will only remain in awe and wonder why her petchay has this incredible power. And I, being too gay to almost function, could only remain respectful (and even a wee-bit envious) that such a vagina exists to change lives!